Who will cry for the little boy (changed it to "girl"...cause I'm not a boy)?
By Antwone Fisher
Who will cry for the little girl?
Lost and all alone.
Who will cry for the little girl?
Abandoned without her own?
Who will cry for the little girl?
She cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little girl?
She never had for keeps.
Who will cry for the little girl?
She walked the burning sand
Who will cry for the little girl?
The girl inside the woman.
Who will cry for the little girl?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little girl?
She died again and again.
Who will cry for the little girl?
A good girl she tried to be
Who will cry for the little girl?
Who cries inside of me.
(I know the answer is supossed to be me. I'm just not there yet).
I miss Scott. I wish I could miss my father, but I think I more miss not knowing what that's like. I miss Wendy. I miss having people to come home to. I miss my cat. I miss being close to my sister/best friend. I miss my grandma. And yes, I really miss my mom. I hate being an orphan. I hate needing and wanting things I can't have, especially at my age. Most days I think I'd give anything if God would just take the pain away. I know no one wants to hear it. Everyone gets sick of me being sad and negative all the time. If only people could see the emptiness inside. If you could only know how hard I try. Maybe more patience would be given to me. What I feel is real. It hurts more than anyone far away can see. You couldn't possibly understand until you've been in the same place I am. I cry out daily trying to be heard. But so often I'm met with an overwhelming silence. The only voice I hear is the one inside my head, feeding lies hoping to destroy what little hope is left. I know God can use my hurts to bring glory to His name. And I try to give what I have to a purpose greater than myself. But I want to be somebody worthy too. Why I don't derseve the same love and attention those I know recieve, is beyond me. I hate that He made me strong, when inside I'm so weak. Maybe if I wasn't so strong I could have what I need. I feel like I've been trying so hard to move forward and make positive changes, but lately it feels as if I'm being deprived of oxygen. I need more time to breathe.
Now despite those (Brock) who will say I'm writing this to manipulate some specific response or emotion, I am writing merely because I need to. I need to be heard. I do not expect any response from this. My only reason for using this outlet is to safely express what I'm experiencing. Writing is one of my coping skills, but it does nothing if it's not in a way that can be heard. I need to be heard. I want to be understood. Mostly I just want to not be invisible. This makes me feel less invisible. So don't feel sorry for me because that's not what I need. Don't judge me as that will only send me spiriling. Just let me be me and love me as I am. Be ok with my need to express myself in a real and honest way. Trying to pretend to be someone I'm not, locking all my emotions inside, keeping silent...these things only hinder me. I ask that you just support this unique part of myself.
